For families
Respite, for the person doing the caring
You have not slept through the night in a while. You are listening for them even when you are asleep. This page is about you, not about your mother.
What respite actually is
A short inpatient stay for the patient so you can stop. Under the Medicare hospice benefit it runs up to five consecutive days at a time, at local skilled nursing facilities across our service area, and it is covered. You are not paying for a hotel room for your mother so you can have a break.
Five days is enough to sleep, see a doctor yourself, go to a wedding, or handle the thing you have been putting off for a month.
Signs it is time to ask
- You are getting sick more than you used to, and it lasts longer
- You snapped at them, and then felt awful about it for two days
- You cannot remember the last time you left the house for a reason of your own
- You have started thinking about your own health in the past tense
- Someone offered to help and you said no because explaining it was harder
None of that means you are failing. It means you have been doing a job that is normally done in shifts, by yourself, without one.
The guilt, since nobody else will say it out loud
Almost every family caregiver who asks about respite apologises while asking. The thinking goes: she took care of me, I should be able to do this.
The answer is that you are doing it. Five days does not undo months. What ends the care at home is not a caregiver who rests, it is a caregiver who collapses and has no choice left. Respite exists precisely so that the second thing does not happen.
How to arrange it
Tell your nurse or call the office. We handle the facility, the transport and the paperwork. You need to pack a bag and show up.
It does not have to be an emergency. Planning it around something, a surgery, a graduation, a week you already know will break you, works better than waiting until you cannot go on.
Questions
What is hospice respite care?
A short inpatient stay for the patient so the family caregiver can rest. Under the Medicare hospice benefit it can run up to five consecutive days at a time, at a contracted facility, and it is covered.
How often can we use respite?
There is no fixed annual cap. It is available when it is needed, in stays of up to five days, as long as it is not being used as a substitute for ongoing long-term placement.
Is asking for respite giving up on caring for them?
No. Respite exists because the people doing this work at home run out of road. A caregiver who sleeps for four nights comes back able to do the job. One who never stops ends up in the hospital themselves.
Answered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.